


It Was Always Buddy

by Rozly



Category: Buddy Thunderstruck - Fandom
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Depression, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Third Person Omniscient, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Separation Anxiety, Slow Burn, i suck at summaries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-10-21 07:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10680213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rozly/pseuds/Rozly
Summary: Buddy and Darnell are the best bros to ever step foot in Greasepit, or Earth for that matter. With their very close relationship comes many intimate moments where Darnell finds himself  questioning the border that separates his and Buddy's friendship and something more. Will he be able to come to accept his feelings for Buddy, or is the risk of possibly losing his best friend just too much for him to handle?





	1. Anxious Ferret

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, this is my first time writing a long fic, or well any fic really. Comments and constructive criticism are welcome! 
> 
> 2017-07-10 UPDATE: Sorry for the long wait, lots of life stuff came up but I'm working on the next few chapters, they should be up within the next few days.

With the temporary absence of Greasepit's local celebrity and his all time best bro, Darnell Fetzervalve found himself with a lot of free time on his hands. Time that most would kill to have, but not him. To him, it felt like he had condemned himself to a week of solitary antics, ones whose enjoyment would not be worth the burden without the presence of his very tall, very awesome, and very handsome...friend.

  
Darnell knew from a young age that he developed a bad habit of making poor decisions. There was a time in his adolescence that his so-called friends tricked him into setting off fireworks inside his parent's house. He was lucky enough to make it out of the kitchen having only lost his eyebrows; he had his Gran-Gran to thank for that. All those 'friends' of his did was set him up for stuff and bail right afterwards. Most of his friends growing up had a tendency of being undependable, manipulative, and overall jerks. It was because of this that he grew to be anxious around other people. That was, until he met Buddy thunderstruck. That, Darnell always thinks to himself, had to of been the best decision he's made in his life. Everything before that and even after never mattered to him, because Buddy was always there to brighten up his days.

“Oh, OH. And this one time Buddy drove the Rabble Rouser off a ramp and into Really-Old-Lady’s backyard garden. None of the flowers were hurt though, surprisingly.” Darnell tilted his head, scratching it pensively as he spoke between bites of hot wings. Dusk approached steadily within the Concho Bolo as sunlight dipped out of the windows and the indoor lighting suddenly felt brighter.

  
Muncie slumped down in front of Darnell after having picked up the last of the left over plates strewn about the place from previous patrons. She placed her chin on her palm and leaned into the table.  
"Right, right. Then Really-Old-Lady came outside and you two helped her plant a new flower bed in the land Buddy ran over."

  
"Yeah! Wait, how did you know?"

"This is the fourth time you've told me the darn story, Darnell. Same with the Sword-fish sword fight you two had and Buddy's "allergic" reaction to eating celery."

"Hey! He could have easily come down with some weird mutant plant powers if I hadn't spun him around really-really fast to spit it out. Actually, that might have been cool, hm. But Buddy doesn’t need weird vegetable powers to be awesome, he just _is_ awesome, you know?" A smile crept it's way onto Darnell's face as he imagined that grin that Buddy gave him every time he praised him. The confident grin, snaggletooth and all, that made Darnell's stomach flip every time and his chest tighten. He shook his head to get a hold of himself.

"That reminds me, have I told you about how ticklish Buddy is? Ha-ha, he gets real squirmy when you grab him by the ribs, oh, and especially in his armpits." He raised his hands in front of her and wiggled his fingers. Muncie felt somewhat exasperated at the amount of attention Darnell's been giving her ever since Buddy went on that trip to visit his folks. It's not like she didn't like talking to him, heck, he was her cousin's best bro. At least that’s what they like to call it. No, Darnell was a great friend. It was just...

"Muncie? Muncie. Hey, Muncie! You alright there? You look like you caught a whiff of some stink flowers or something. Man, I can practically smell it too now that I said it, Pee-yew."

"Just a bit tired, I guess. It's actually been awful calm around here since Buddy's been gone, can't say I don’t miss him and all the noise he brings with."

"Yeah...miss him..."

Darnell furrowed his brow and lowered his eyes to the half eaten wings in front of him. Buddy would have finished the wings and ordered more by now, he thought. He continued to wonder, what flavor wings they had in Grassflat city where Buddy had gone to. Were they as good as the Concho Bolo, maybe good enough to stay and not come back? He mentally cursed himself for worrying about it. His best bro could do whatever he wants, they don’t have to do _everything_ together. And yet, they have, up until now. If only he hadn't been so anxious to meet Buddy's parents, they could be sitting together somewhere eating hot wings and laughing about how awful the racing scene in the town is. Darnell sighed deeply, and without thinking he opened his mouth.

"Do you think Buddy misses me...?" The question had surprised Muncie. She blunk a number of times with her mouth agape before gathering her composure.

"What? Of course he does, silly. Why wouldn't he?" Muncie had not noticed before, but Darnell was holding his arms up to his chest while his tail twitched all sorts of ways. She should of guessed where this was all coming from. It wasn't her business to go assuming things about Buddy and Darnell, but the way the two of them acted, you would have thought it was obvious to anyone else but them. She mentally shook her head trying to figure out how to approach the topic.

"Darnell. You and Buddy have been friends since sin was born. Heck, from what I've seen you're practically more than just best bros."

"You mean like best-BEST-bros?" Darnell added, feeling somewhat revitalized by her compliment. Muncie slapped her forehead. There had to be a better way of getting him to realize, right? She hoped.

"Well, not exactly. You see there's best bros, and then there's boyyy-" She elongated her pronunciation in an attempt to lead Darnell to the conclusion.

"Boyyy-scouts? Boyyy-bands? I guess we could try to get the band back together again, but what does that have to do with Buddy missing me or not?" Muncie comically slammed her face into one of the bussed plates. It was no use trying to lead a blind ferret to drink. She threw aside whatever long, tedious list of questions she had and just up and said it.

"Of course Buddy would miss you ya' ignoramus, its normal for boyfriends to miss each other when they're away." She had said it, and now because it had been said Darnell felt his eyes dart every which way, looking for some way out of her very direct accusation. Not because he had anything against it, he just felt vulnerable having one of his deepest secrets brought up so casually.

"What? No...Buddy? Psh, haha. I mean. We're just. It's not. You know, uhh" Darnell rubbed the back of his neck as more words stumbled out of his mouth. His belly rumbled from the situation, filled with an anxious sensation that threatened to empty his stomach. This wasn't the first time he's dealt with these crippling feelings that turned his knees to mush and warmed his ears. He's dealt with all of that already, even learned to handle himself around Buddy, but something about taking a step over the line that separates best bros from... well, you know, brings all those old feelings back to surface. Was he really that obvious with his feelings over Buddy that Muncie was able to find out? For a fleeting moment he hoped that Muncie was joking about the boyfriend thing.

She couldn't possibly know how he felt, let alone how Buddy did. But then he thought, what if she did? What if everyone else did? What if he had somehow compromised his position in town and with Buddy as his mechanic? Leave it to Darnell Fetzervalve to go and ruin something in town for once...rehhh! His head was a spiral of nervous questions and apprehensive thoughts. With the Concho Bolo as empty as it was, the old jukebox playing static in the background, Darnell was finding it difficult to find a way to answer Muncie while dealing with his panic attack.

"Fart nuggets..." he mumbled under his breath, "No, we're just friends... just, friends."

Over the span of the long silence, She noticed that a sense of resigned disappointment in his response. _Weren't they dating, why would Darnell say no?_   Muncie had failed to realize the complicated circumstances that both of them were in. It was so easy for her as an outsider to watch and just believe things were so because that’s what they appeared like. In watching Darnell's restless fidgeting, Muncie made an attempt to back-step on what she said.

"What? Oh gosh, I'm sorry. Listen, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable about this all. You two just seemed so close. Too close, even for best bros." Muncie hated the fact that she failed to take her own advice to leave things be. And yet, she felt like there was something more that Darnell wasn't telling her. That she was right about everything from the start, but what could she do? As a last ditch effort of reconciliation she pulled out her phone and called her Uncle and Auntie in Grassflat city.

"Hey there, how're y'all doing, hope I didn’t wake anyone up. Nah, it's only about 6pm over here. Yeah, yeah, the weathers nice, listen, is Buddy there? Can you put him on the line?" Darnell immediately sat up in his seat once he realized what she was doing. It was their first meeting all over again. His throat suddenly felt dangerously dry and the walls around him almost appeared to be spinning.

"Muncie, no, you don’t have to-" before he knew it she had thrust the phone into his hands and stood up to carry plates back into the kitchen. She winked at him before entering the kitchen, making him let out a nervous squeak.

"Darnell? Hey, are you there or not man? Phew, it's been a wild past couple of days for me, I tell ya. You know they don’t even serve hot wings at the restaurant near my folks place? It’s gotta be one of the worst things to happen to these poor citizens, and mankind for that matter. A wingless city is no place for such an awesome racer as yours truly, no siree." Within seconds of hearing Buddy's sweet, colorful voice again, Darnell felt his shoulders un-tense and his headache eased up. He openly sighed in relief.


	2. Meaning Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darnell confronts some thoughts he's having trouble accepting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but I'm still here and working on the fic! Yay! Life and stuff happened, things are good now though. [There's a nightmare, if you dont want to read it, skip the second to last paragraph] Enjoy.

Darnell's pruned fingers ached as he set the last of the cleaned plates aside, drained the sink, and cleaned up the puddles of water strewn across the floor. He lifts the mop into the bucket, squeezing it dry before returning both items to the supply-closet. A night's work of this caliber was worthy of another round of hot wings, that is if he had enough room in his gullet to afford such a treat. Though his fingers tingled from the countless plates he scrubbed down, it was nothing compared to the satisfaction he felt after speaking with Buddy earlier. A smile crept on his face at the thought.

"Hey, we just about done here?" Muncie peaked her head into the kitchen having exited her office. She let out a yawn as she rubbed her face with the back of her palm. The lights suddenly flickered briefly, matching the dark intensity of outside. "Dang, I need to get someone to fix the wiring in this place, that's the fourth time this week the lights have done that. The last thing I need is to be caught in here washing the dishes when the power goes out, it'd scare me half to death. She absentmindedly kicked in the direction of the breaker box.

"Yeah, just about. Though, I do have a serious case of old people fingers right now. You think it'd help me beat Really-Old Lady at thumb wrestling?" Muncie starred at him blank face, unmoving and unresponsive. "Nah, you're right. I swear she cheats, she must have some super enhanced thumbs or something." Darnell held his fist up as he had an imaginary thumb wrestling match with Really-Old-Lady He darted his thumb sporadically before an audible crack sounded at his inevitable loss. "That's how quick she is, which is surprising for her age. Even Buddy can't beat her! Hmm..." He pondered, holding both palms together as he wiggled his fingertips together and flailed his tail. He shook his head in an attempt to regain his composure.

"Huh...well, I finished my paperwork up, thanks for helping me with the kitchen dear, I don't know what I woulda don’t if I had to stay here all night.

"Uh, it was nothing." His vision darted to the side, avoiding her eye contact. He held his hands up thinking back to their conversation in the Bolo. "Hey Muncie...thanks again for earlier and putting up with me. I really appreciate it." He made an effort to look up and smiled"

"Aww shucks, don't mention it. And you're not any more trouble than what I already handle, Sugar, trust me." She pats his shoulder and gives him a small hug. "Now c'mon, let's get outta here." 

Muncie walks the two of them out of the kitchen and into the strikingly brisk winter night. She holds her arms up to warm them up for a bit. "Shoot, you know what? I forgot something. Go on and wait for me in the truck, I won't be long." She hands him the keys to her racing truck and races back inside. Darnell raises an eyebrow but doesn’t get a chance to respond by the time she leaves. He moves over to sit in the truck. The interior is far cleaner and even classier than Buddy's. 

His hands rub the faux-leather upholstery seating enviously. The radio appears to be one of those Wi-Fi controlled ones that play music from your phone or something, he didn’t quite know how to look at it. A set of pink fuzzy dice hung on the rear-view mirror.  _stylish_ _,_ he thought. On the flooring of the truck he accidently kicked around an unknown object. He picked up a signed, framed photo of Buddy grinning with the words 'To my biggest fan, yours truly; Buddy Thunder struck' written on the frame. He was faced with another instance of a blank mind where he didn’t know what to say or do. He caressed the photo longingly, biting his lips to hold back a whimper. _Fuck_ , he mentally cursed his twisted stomach. 

As if summoned by his cursing, Muncie walks out of the Concho Bolo. Too embarrassed by his own feelings, he begins to play with the knobs and dials of the radio and neglects to see Muncie place a sign on the front doors. She rushes over to the truck, holding her sides.

"Ah geez, you'd think I'd keep a sweater in my office for weather like this." She joked to an unresponsive ferret. He nodded after a while, fidgeting with his hands, wondering about something he wasn’t entirely sure about, or what that something was.

"I wonder if Buddy is asleep yet, we usually go to bed early so we can get some early morning truck stop snacks when Ziels opens up." Darnell made an attempt to distract himself from the subtle, yet gnawing feeling in his stomach. Yet here he was talking about one of the main factors attributing to said feeling. "Leeroy practically expects us now, he even has out coffe ready for us before we even get there."

Muncie tried to gather what she could from Darnell's expression and reactions, but he could be a wall when he wanted to. She wanted to get through to him, she at least wanted to try. "Oh yeah? That explains why he's always so hyped up by the time you fellas come to the Bolo. You should probably start giving him decaf, that boy has way too much energy for his own good.

Darnell's featureless expression softened having heard that, he giggled slightly before bursting out into boisterous laughter. "Tha..That's the thing.." He spoke mid laughter "Its always been decaf", he wiped away a tear from his eyes. Muncie notices as his shoulders untensed and he finally stopped shaking so much. That was, until she noticed she was shaking too. 

"Oh fart nuggets, you haven't turned on the truck yet? You silly ferret, no wonder it's so cold in here." She grabbed the keys to turn on the truck, cranking the heat to full blast. With their seat belts clicked and the headlights on, they made their way home to Auntie-Uncle's for a good night's rest. In Darnell's case, Muncie hoped he would wake up feeling more like himself instead of thinking too much about who he was with Buddy present than without. Her fingers gripped the steering wheel from worry, but she was hopeful.

*

"You go first." 

"No you." 

"Let's do rock paper scissors." 

"Darnell, you always pick rock, that's not even fair to yourself. Yeah? Well what if I don’t pick rock this time?" 

"It's all about mind games, Muncie. OoOoooh."

"Yeah, whatever. Why don’t we both go at the same time?"

"Are you sure? I mean, where's the fun in not making someone else go through it first? Buddy woulda rock-paper-scissors' me."

"Yeah, and you would have lost."

"Hey, at least he isn't afraid of the cold. You're the one hugging the dang heater."

"I'm merely admiring how refined the craftsmanship of this air outlet is. Ah, lookie here, prime heating material indeed."

"Just open the door with me ya' big weenie." 

"Fine, but only if we get to run inside like we're being chased by crazed soul suckers."

"Deal."

The truck doors quickly opened and shut as they got out. They flailed their arms in the air while they yelled 'Ahhhh, don’t suck my soul you evil soul suckers you!' It was close to midnight by the time they finally made it home, safe from all those soul suckers. Darnell heaved a deep breath as he knelt down. 

"Did you see how close they got to us? They were in spitting distance of grabbing my tail!" He mock spat on the floor while clutching his tail.

"I'm more concerned with the bite mark on your pant leg there." She pointed down to a now even more distraught Darnell. He kicked his leg up feeling something grab it. "C'mon silly, it's just the mind playing tricks on you, there's nothing on your leg." She stifled her laughter.

"haha...yeah...tricks" Darnell looked down anyways to see if he had a bite mark on his leg, wiping fake sweat off his brow, he sighed in relief."

"Maybe don't run around in circles when and if you do get chased by those things, what were you trying to do, confuse them?"

"I got lost on my way to the door until I heard your screaming."

"How is it that you and Buddy haven't gotten yourselves seriously injured yet?

"I don't know, seatbelts? Cartoon logic?"

"Yeah you boys better be wearing those." She held her fists to her hips and Darnell mimicked her stance. With one last laugh, another yawn crept up on Muncie. "Alright, well I'm gonna go on and hit the hay now. Think about what we talked about hun, I know you'll come to the right conclusion"

"Truck stop pretzels, gotcha" Muncie Smiled.

"Goodnight Darnell"

"Night Muncie."

Muncie walked up the stairs to her bedroom. Darnell stood there in the living room, he peaked outside the window to make sure there weren't really any soul suckers outside hiding in the dark. He did the same at the backdoor window before heading over to the garage. The smell of motor oil and tire tracks lingered in the air. He took a deep breath feeling right at home. The ferret stretched his arms walking over to the bunk bed he and Buddy shared. He slipped under the covers, closed his eyes, and nothing.

Words echoed in Darnell's head, etching themselves on every part of his being. The words scattered themselves on walls, overlapping one another yet distinct enough that there was no confusing what they said. He looked down to his hands now soaked in letters that trailed his arms and dripped onto his toes. The letters smelled like oil, they turned to embers, searing his ink covered fur. The flames turned back to ink and flooded the entire floor. He closed his eyes as the words got louder. They circled around him, clamoring to be heard. His tail twitched as the ferret fell to his knees and began coughing up stored words. Laughter rippled the pool of ink he lied over, vibrating the walls that surrounded. Darnell's joints quivered as he looked down and was able to understand the muddled mess of letters on the floor and around him. He coughed a few times, reading and rereading the words as to not forget that he saw them. That those words were made by him. Darnell stood and was now on the race track. He looks ahead and spots the Rabblerouser racing circles on the tracks. He sees himself in the passenger seat next to buddy, but they don't see him on the track. He's paralyzed. Buddy Raises his hand and Darnell already knows what's about to come. 

Darnell lies in cold sweat in his bed, he grasps allover his body feeling for letters that weren't there and ink that never was. His breathing hitched, afraid for something that wasn’t there, like an imaginary monster. He got up and took off his drenched pajama top. Darnell looks through his closet for another shirt to no avail. "Fart nuggets". All that was left were Buddy's Racing jackets which he felt too conflicted to wear. Just as he was about to give up, he felt a heavy jacket fall on his feet. He picked up the old jacket and noticed that it had Buddy's signature lightning cuffs and name.  _Wait,_ _isn't_ _this.._ He unzipped the jacket and slipped it on, it was slightly big on him, but he didn’t mind it at all, he never minded wearing Buddy's old jacket. He gave it a whiff and it smelled like it'd been kept in the closet for some years. He didn’t care at all though. Buddy had given him the jacket the day he won a regional competition at their college, he was the fastest there is after all.Darnell felt his head clearing up already. He walked back to bed, crawling up to Buddy's bed. He laid on his side, smelling the lingering scent that was Buddy on the pillow and covers. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was so anxious about telling Buddy, he'd still love him like the best bros they were, he just wouldn’t love him like..like that. He felt himself grow a little more somber, so he buried his face in Buddy's pillow. No, he wouldn't be able to tell Buddy that any time soon, it wasn’t worth ruining what they had. Their close relationship was everything to him. He curled up on his side, closed his eyes, and fell asleep to the thought of Buddy holding him from behind.


End file.
